I’m not sure they appreciated it — A bead of sweat ran down my forehead. My hair stuck to the back of my neck and I fanned my face with my hand. It was hot as balls. It was August in North Carolina and I had been pregnant for about seven years. With a week to go…

Unfortunately, I chickened out — “Happy Birthday!!!” A group of my coworkers screamed at me as I walked into the breakroom. How did you shitfucks know? “Oh my gosh, how did you guys find out it’s my birthday?” I asked. Using my “pretend I don’t make you on The Sims and trap you in a…

I only had one dealbreaker — Warning: joke ahead made in poor taste. Only read if you are soulless. Even then, there’s probably better shit you could be doing. I sat in my chair nervously. Fidgeting as we both studied our menus. I sipped on my water to try and stop my throat from drying completely. …

I was angry and wanted answers — “I’m not seeing anyone else. I want to focus on us. See where this can go.” He said while gazing into my eyes. Alright, we’re not in a fucking rom-com, Romeo. Just pour the wine. Sam and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks when he uttered…

She moved quickly and I ran to chase her — I heard the car pull into the driveway, followed by the slamming of car doors. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law’s flight hadn’t been delayed. And my husband hadn’t lost her at the airport. And I hadn’t moved to Mexico while he was picking her up. I was sitting at the small kitchen…

Waiting to escape the nightmare — content warning: implied abuse “Hey, I’ve got a taxi.” My boyfriend, Dan yelled from several feet away. The black cab pulled to an abrupt stop in front of him as I stumbled towards the vehicle, trying to keep my balance in my three-inch pink heels. Not my best look. Not…

She wears the shoes — “My, my, my.” My two-year-old daughter shouted at me again as I strapped her into the car seat. She jabbed her finger into my waist as she screamed. Kids are overrated. It happened again while we were eating dinner. “My, my, my.” She yelled and pointed at me. And again…

And Watch It Burn — I’m going to tell the truth. The lie has had a good run. I’ve gone along with the fuckery. But now it’s time to admit it. Having a vegetable garden is fucking shit. My ex-husband was one of those bastards who liked to grow his own vegetables. …

I don’t blame her — She was my friend for five years. We worked together and regularly saw each other outside of the office for drinks or lunches with drinks. Or day drinks, followed by evening drinks, followed by being denied a taxi. When we first began working together, I hated her. She was loud…