HUMOR

Dear Dating App Men, I Have No Hobbies

My toddler isn’t a fan of me knocking out some needlepoint

Photo by appshunter.io on Unsplash

Callum: “Hey. Thanks for matching with me. How are you?”

Depressed, anxious, scared of the spider in my kitchen, questioning whether the plastic bottle I bought earlier will kill a turtle, overwhelmed with washing fucking lunchboxes, and very full of cheese.

Me: “Hey. I’m great, thanks. How are you?”

Callum: “Yeah, I’m good. How are you finding this dating app?”

Since I’m replying to bellends who ask that stupid question, not fucking great, Callum.

Me: “It’s ok. Lots of interesting people.”

I would ask about your experience, too, but I’d rather peel my face off than read your answer.

Callum: “Cool. What are your hobbies?”

Hobbies? Seriously? I’m an adult. We don’t have hobbies. Any free moment is for sleeping or staring into the abyss.

I’m out. Fuck this.

Callum: “Like, what do you do for fun?”

Are you explaining what hobbies mean? Are you interpreting my silence as confusion about your complex sentence?