Member-only story
HUMOR
Forty Minutes After Joining a Dating App, I Was Blocked
Obviously, it’s not my fault
A few weeks ago, I joined Facebook Dating on a whim. Turns out it’s a list of people you already kind of know and don’t want to bang.
One guy told me I look like a Temu version of Kate Middleton. Thanks, Craig. I’ll add that to my bio.
And I was “liked” by my ex-boyfriend’s much younger brother. I still have a decade old photo of the time my ex and I took his ten-year-old ass to the zoo. So, that ruined my week.
Then there was Troy.
Troy was one of the first men who messaged me. He was forty, successful (he had a job), and didn’t live with his ex-wife, which apparently is rare.
After thirty minutes of back and forth bullshit about kids and jobs and who the fuck named him Troy, he asked me,
“Do you have snap?”
Snap? What the fuck is that? Like snap peas? Snap with playing cards?
“Snap?” I replied.
“The app…” he sent back.
Oh, Snapchat! Right? Google and check. Oh, they call it Snap now. I thought we agreed as a society to delete that twelve years ago.
