DATING HUMOR

He Hasn’t Replied in Three Hours, I’m in Crisis

Other than that, I’m totally calm

Photo by Viralyft on Unsplash

I exhaled and stared at the phone screen. Rolling my eyes, I opened WhatsApp and tapped on my friend Susie’s name. The shrill ringing sound filled the room as I leaned back into the couch and waited for her to answer.

Susie: Hey.

Me: He hasn’t replied in three hours. I’m in crisis.

Susie: Maybe he’s busy.

Me: Oh, yeah. Maybe he’s working, maybe he’s visiting family, maybe a tornado stole his phone and he’s racing over land and sea to recover it and reply to my “I’m good thanks, you?”

Susie: Well, maybe he is!

Me: No, he’s not! He hates me.

Susie: Oh yes, he hates you. That’s why he messages you around the clock and takes you out on dates.

Me: It’s over. I know it. I only have three options. 1. Block him. Beat the fucker to it. 2. Pray for an alien invasion to distract me. Or 3. Drive out to the countryside and cry in a meadow.

Susie: Why a meadow?

Me: Because it’s dramatic and shit.

Susie: Oh, ok. Yes, do the meadow.