Member-only story
NARCISSISM
He Used Me to Boost His Ego, Then Disappeared
I allowed it to happen
When I asked my ex-husband for permission to change our daughter’s last name, I knew I was in for some turbulence.
His initial response of “let me think about it” was used to make me wait, to steal any power or control I had, and to bask in it himself. I let him. I ignored him, knowing the high wouldn’t last long and he would be back.
On schedule, he returned a week later in search of something more.
“I’ve been thinking and she deserves to have your last name. What do you need me to do?”
My eyebrows shot to the sky as I read his message. A straightforward yes? How can it be? I was pleasantly surprised for three seconds, then reality hit. This isn’t a yes, it’s an ego boost.
Family and friends optimistically disagreed — “Maybe he will sign, maybe he will do it. How can you be disappointed when he said yes?”
Because I know better. This doesn’t benefit him. There is no motivation to do it.
I put in the work anyway. I researched the next step for a parent living abroad and concluded I would need a notarized letter giving his consent.
