Member-only story
HUMOROUS PARENTING
I Begged Her to Keep Our Secret But She Betrayed Me
I’m not surprised
“Remember, don’t tell anyone. Do you understand?”
She nodded.
“Don’t even tell me, someone might hear you. And remember what we talked about at home? If you need help, come to me. Quietly.”
“Ok!” She exclaimed from the back seat.
Liar.
“Ok, let’s go,” I said.
I jumped out of the car and slid into my coat. The frosty weather made me shiver as I fought with the zipper. Walking around the back of the car, I hoped that the twenty-minute talk we had at home would be enough to convince her to keep our secret.
She’d listened to at least fourteen seconds of the conversation.
Pulling open the car door, I reached inside and unbuckled her seat belt. With grace, I wrestled a coat onto her two-year-old body as she windmilled her arms, repeatedly kicked me in the stomach, and screamed each time I had the audacity to breathe.
Fuck coat season.
Finally, we were able to emerge from the car and pretend to be civilized members of society as we walked across the parking lot. I kept looking at her, making sure she was keeping it together.
