Member-only story

HUMOR

I Have the Cock-A-Doodle-Do Disease

At least I got fake lip filler

Claire Franky

A cockrel.
Cock. Photo by Camerauthor Photos on Unsplash

“Did you get lip filler?”

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “Sounds like something I’d remember.”

“Well, your lips look huge,” my friend, Shelia replied, squinting at me as we pushed our daughters on the swings.

“What are you talking about?” I snapped as I pressed my fingers to my lips, noticing their new puffy texture.

“Are you having an allergic reaction? Do you have an epi-pen?” She asked.

“A freaking epi-pen? No. I have half a Band-Aid and one throat lozenge in my bag. I’m prepared for everything,” I said as I poked my bottom lip.

“I think it’s an ulcer. It feels tender. It’ll be fine,” I said, shrugging it off.

Shelia gave me the “you definitely have herpes” look as she followed her child to the slide.

The next day, I woke up with Kardashian lips. My first thought was that God had given me free lip filler. My second thought was that I had herpes and it probably came from the Kardashians.

I raced to the mirror to check out my new look and flinched when my palm collided with the light switch. As I turned my hand over, my eyes met the spotted and swollen appearance of my…

Responses (104)

Write a response

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease.

Doctors need to pick a lane.
They either name diseases that make perfect layman's sense like this. Or they decide to use a mixture of Latin, Greek, and Middle Earth languages to name something that most people can't pronounce, let alone know what it means.

Omg Claire - between this and your face crabs, you should check into the manufacture's warranty on your current body. 😜

spotted dick vibes

Saying this in the States gets you your own PSA on the dangers of herpes - and some guaranteed alone time for the foreseeable future.