Dreaming

I Want Her Husband

He’s Crushing Life

Photo by May Gauthier on Unsplash

Last night, I spoke with one of my friends, Annie on the phone. After a quick twenty-five minutes of listing everything she had eaten that day, she moved on to talking smack about her husband.

There were many, many complaints ranging from him using the wrong cup to him brushing his teeth with his mouth open.

Not sure how you brush your teeth without opening your fucking mouth, but sure Annie. You do you.

When I kindly pointed out that she was bleating about some mild annoyances, she told me she had much bigger problems with her husband.

Did he set up a cock fighting ring? Start train hopping? Write a country song?

After taking a few deep breaths to build suspense, Annie continued,

“He just always likes to change our car insurance to get a better deal.”

My husband always liked to steal my credit cards and drink liquor until he passed out in the yard. But please, tell me more about this car insurance asshole.

I asked, “What?”

She responded, “It’s so annoying! Every six months we have to change our car insurance because he finds a better deal.”