HUMOR

I Was Turned Off by Her Berries

There were a lot of them

Claire Franky
4 min readFeb 19, 2024

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Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

“Gooood morning!”

What in the living fuck is happening?

I glanced up at the noise. A tall woman wearing bright yellow overalls and purple boots stood next to me.

“Good morning,” I replied as she sat down on the floor next to me.

My daughter, who was sitting on my crossed legs, and I watched as the woman pushed a small suitcase in front of her.

“Have you been to this class before?” She asked as she unzipped her suitcase.

“Yes, but this is only our second week,” I answered wearily, waiting for the contents of the suitcase to be revealed.

Testicles? Deer meat? Nick Cannon’s weekly child support payments?

“This is our first time at this music class. We were going to a different one but the teacher wasn’t great,” she said.

Is the teacher in the suitcase?

“Brittaneigh! Brittaneigh!” The woman called as she scanned the room.

A toddler in a dragon costume stopped her ascent of the curtains and hurdled towards us.

“This is Brittaneigh and I’m Jane,” the woman smiled.

I smiled back and introduced myself and my daughter, who clung to me tightly.

Jane flipped open the suitcase to reveal an assortment of drinks, snacks, and clothes. She rummaged through the tightly packed items and handed her daughter a water bottle and a snack box.

“You can never have too many changes of clothes, right?” She asked.

It’s a forty-minute toddler music class. Is your kid planning to shit herself four times in the next hour?

“Right,” I laughed and nodded.

“Ok children, take a seat with your grown-up in the circle. It’s time to start singing,” yelled the music teacher as she tapped on her phone.

“Brittaneigh,” Jane called to the dragon fighting to open a snack box in the middle of the circle, surrounded by twenty adults and toddlers.

The dragon ignored her mother as Five Little Speckled Frogs boomed out of the speakers and…

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