HUMOR

It Turns Out That School Tours are for Pricks

So I fit right in

Pricks. Photo by Husna Miskandar on Unsplash

I fidgeted in my chair. The photos of smiling children and their framed shitty artwork that was plastered across the walls, had become tiresome to look at.

My body jerked slightly as the man to my right sneezed loudly. He’d been sneezing loudly every sixty seconds or so, almost like he was timing it. I wondered whether he wanted attention. I also wondered whether he was a twat.

The woman to my left had finally quietened down after sharing her child’s urinating habits with me. Apparently, her kid loves to piss.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and glanced at the screen. No notifications. I unlocked it anyway and pretended to read something, as one does.

The sound of the door saved me.

“Good morning, I’m Mrs Figtree and I’m the principal. Welcome to our school,” said a tall, slim woman standing before me.

I moved to my feet, like the other six parents, and waited as we each took turns to shake hands with Mrs Figtree.

“Sorry about the wait,” she said as we all huddled around her in the elementary school entrance hall. “The school tour should last about an hour and we’re going to start in the gym, so please follow me.”