Celebrating Freeloaders

My Ex Thinks I Should Honor Him

He Wasn’t Joking But I Had a Good Laugh

Apparently being present at conception makes you worthy of a lot. Photo by Lukas Godina on Unsplash

“Why haven’t you called me today?”

That was the message displayed on my phone. It was sent by my daughter’s sperm donor.

Because you’re a dildo.

A second message came through.

Just write everything you want to say in one message you fucking spork.

“I can’t believe you didn’t celebrate me today.”

The fuck?!

Celebrate you? Is it April Fools Day?

Is it the annual day of the fuckening? Poke a dick with a stick day? The bellend festival?

He added,

“It is Father’s Day, you know? Fathers should be honored.”

Oh, honey.

Yes, it is Father’s Day. Unfortunately, it’s not sperm donor day.

And your sadsack ass is suggesting I honor you? Funniest shit I’ve ever heard.

Why would I not celebrate or honor a father who chooses not to see or speak to his child? Who doesn’t ask how she is? Who refuses to contribute financially to her upbringing?