HUMOR

My Grandmother is Probably Going to Prison

It’s where she belongs

Photo by Andrea Leon on Unsplash

I gulped, threw myself on the couch, and accepted the call.

“Hi, Grandma,” I said, trying to hide the despair in my voice.

“Did Sarah call you yet?” My grandmother, Dorothy, barked down the phone.

No hello, then?

“No…”

She tutted loudly. “I told her to call you. She’s an unreliable girl.”

She’s 36.

“She said she was going to speak to you about me coming to stay with you or your mother.”

I bolted up to a sitting position.

The fuck you are!

“What?!” I spat.

“I need to leave my house, and Sarah hasn’t got room for me, what with the baby and all.” She replied.

I need to have a baby tomorrow. And punch Sarah in the tit.

“And you’re my only other granddaughter,” she continued. “I would stay with your mother, but she’ll fuss. I know you won’t go to any extra trouble.”

Brilliant. I’ll add hosting to my list of weaknesses.

“Wait,” I said, as the darkness took over. “Why do you need to leave your house?”