HUMOR

Our Neighbor Made Us Pay for What We Did to Her

She didn’t like hearing “No”

Claire Franky
5 min readJan 29, 2024

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Photo by monica di loxley on Unsplash

I pulled off the highway and yawned into my steering wheel while waiting at the red light. It had been a long week and I was ready for my Friday evening to begin.

Finally reaching my neighborhood, a calmness washed over me knowing that a few stress-free hours were ahead. I turned into my driveway as something caught my eye. Glancing over at my house, I saw what it was, and my calmness was chased away by anger.

She was on my porch, waiting for me.

“Hi,” she said, approaching me as I slammed my car door. “Can you order me a pizza when you order one for you?”

Fuck no, Freeloader.

“Sorry, I don’t have enough money for pizza,” I lied.

“I’ll give you some cash.”

Oh, we’re starting the bullshitting early today.

“We might not even have pizza tonight. It’s probably best if you order your own,” I said, forcing a polite smile and strolling by her.

“I don’t know how,” she said in her best victim voice.

“Really?” I asked. “We’ve shown you how to do it several times. The pizza place is saved in your phone and they have your address on file. And I’ve seen a pizza delivery vehicle in front of your house several times.”

Suck it, Fuckchops.

Looking outraged at being called out, she responded, “My friend helped me order a pizza those nights!”

Mmm hmm. Let me help you fuck off.

“Just tell me if you order a pizza,” she continued

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

“And I can come and pick my pizza up from your place.”.

And forget to bring cash, of course.

I turned and stared at her. I wasn’t going to have this argument again. Every damn Friday. I thought we came to an understanding last week. Clearly not.

Waving her off with statements about doing a workout, I rushed inside, closed, and locked the door. I peered out of the window, watching her skulk back to her house next door.

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