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She Said My “Eggs Are Drying Up”
In front of my whole family.
I sat at one end of the table. She sat at the other. The rest of our extended family sat in between us and around us. She yelled her comment down the table. Everyone turned to look at me.
I have a female cousin the same age, and our Grandma has been obsessed with us needing to have boyfriends since we were twelve.
Luckily we ignored her and don’t need a lifetime of therapy.
After we graduated into adulthood, it got worse. If one of us had a boyfriend and the other didn’t, Grandma would inform us and the rest of the family how disappointed she was with the single one.
If we had a boyfriend at the same time, she had to compare them. Which one is more handsome? Which one has the better job? Which one has more money? Which one can land a plane on the Hudson River?
Drop your pants gentleman, we’re getting out the tape measure.
Obviously, she rarely met any boyfriends.
Three years ago, I got married, so I was crowned the winner and was presented with the family sword and flag. I have been the favorite grandchild ever since. (She announced this to everyone.)
She’s a warm and loving soul.
