Humor

There Was an Intruder on My Bed

I Hoped it was a Nightmare

I just wanted to put away some laundry. Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

It took a few seconds for my brain to process what was happening. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. This sort of thing couldn’t happen to me. This happened to other people.

The sort of people whose phone case opens like a book and dishwasher has labeled sections.

This has to be a nightmare!

I pulled my laundry from the dryer and neatly folded it into the basket.

Except for the socks. I threw them behind the dryer so I didn’t have to pair them up like a chump.

As I ascended the stairs, laundry basket in hand, I caught my reflection in the mirror at the top. I paused in horror. “Yeah, I can’t pull off lipstick.”

Sometimes bad things happen to good people.

I swung open the door to the bedroom, sighed about my makeup fiasco, and dropped the laundry basket onto the bed.

And froze.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

Someone turned on The Conjuring soundtrack.

Or maybe it was that shitfuck Peppa Pig screaming from the TV downstairs.

There was an intruder on my bed!