HUMOR

There’s a Bunch of Perverts on My Doorstep

And so many tits

Photo by K Adams on Unsplash

What in the galloping fuck?

I froze. My feet glued themselves to the driveway as I studied my doorstep from a safe distance.

“Mommy, what is that?” My daughter asked as she skipped ahead of me to the front door.

Grudgingly, I followed with eyebrows furrowed.

“Can I have them, Mommy?”

Nope. No syph today.

“Why don’t you go inside and put your shoes away?” I said as I side-stepped the intruders.

After unlocking the door and encouraging my daughter inside, I turned to study the deeply upsetting scene:

A box of sluts.

The sluts. Photo taken by author.

Just stood there. In a box. Naked. I don’t even know how to feel about some of them looking at me.

I glanced up and scanned the area for a suspect.

“Who did this?” I screamed to the sky. Well, I did in my head.

And why? Why plague me with plastic tits?